You Don't Need to Bother

Well it's 0318. I finally got some useful stuff done. E-mailed a few people (which took some courage all on its own, not exactly sure why something so simple should be so hard). Right now though, my thoughts seem just kind of broken and all, as if I am in one of those ever present moments of transition to I know not what. I guess Europe lies somewhere out there, but that really feels like an ending to me, as if I don't need to worry about anything beyond that. Invariably this is probably false as if it isn't I am not quite sure what it would mean. Then again if I recall correctly-wish I had memory like Illyan's (noone's gonna get that at all)- someone predicted, right at the end of school year, that I'd find happiness there so maybe the ending is a happiness if that makes any sense.
Things are dull here, I totaled it up and there are only about 3 people who I would probably want to hang out with in La Crosse. One is actually not here for the summer, another is incredibly busy juggling work and a play rehearsal, and the other has a g/f with which he is very close to and so not much time to do stuff with him. Can't really compete with a beautiful woman unsurprisingly.
I am finally getting out to visit one of my friends who water-skies down in the Dells, she sounded really happy that I was coming down to visit so that made me feel good. It's nice not to feel like a burden on other people and a lot of people I am around I wonder if I am simply just another burden for them and that if they could they'd just quietly slip away. A lot of my "friends" have done just that so I sometimes wonder if I have just that kind of affect on people. Have to admit right now I am in the kind of self-reflective mood where I can easily pinpoint negative things about myself so that is certainly biasing my opinion. Who knows tho.
Some random notes related to London this fall: there is another guy from La Crosse going but don't recognize his name. Will be curious to see which highschool he went to. Also very happy to see that I was correct and we are going to spend some time at Normandy. For me going that whole way and not seeing Normandy would not make much sense, afterall part of the reason we can even see the world is because of the guys who came there hard way 60 years ago. It is hard to comprehend that guys younger then me who had mostly never probably left their home states died far away on a foreign beach. Not really the way I would think that they would want to see the world and somehow I think the welcome was a bit colder then the one we get now.
Further random drifting. I have continued pinging randomly through my Exalted books and paused now on The Outcaste particularily the 7th Legion/Lookshy chapter. With this and the numbers given in the Kingdom of Halta you begin to realize, there are somewhere between 1-2 billion people-people in this case being anyone with some human ancestry/blood so Wyld Tainted, Beastmen, God-Blooded, Exalts all count but not spirits, elementals, and such- in Creation. My guess is probably close to a billion cover the Blessed Isle and another billion inhabit the Threshold. Probably under a billion on the Isle to be more specific but I would hazard to see the Realm and its states are at or above a billion. I give the Threshold a slightly larger population then the Realm due to its size even though a fair amount of it is much less habitable. The real trick is that whatever the population is, you have to multiply that by at least 10 times, probably more to account for both the Great Contagion and the Usurpation. So back in the First Age there were a lot of people. That would make sense though since in theory it was the height of civilization though. I wonder if we're ever going to have a time where look back and say "Those days were the height of the human race." Actually swinging back to Exalted it must have been hardest most of all for those Sidereal who lived through it all, especially those who opposed the Usurpation to watch civilization slowly decline and waste away but for any of them it would be strange to think back to life in the old (old, old, old, old, old) days and how easy it was and how good things were. Even the "relatively" short lived Dragon Blooded of the Shogunate must have missed the old ways even if this way meant they got to run things. For people in the Second Age it would have to be hard to believe how things were when only really Lookshy and (sort of) the Imperial City remain as what the First Age was like and both of them are certainly shadows of whatever past glories they or cities like them had. It's no wonder the Second Age is the Age of Sorrows, so much has been lost and in there really isn't a sense that this will change. Just some maybe fool's chance of a hope that these returning Anathema might change the inoxerable drumbeat of history.
And yes Brent most of the last paragraph probably represents some type of escapism. Have to say I am guilty of it. It's part of me I think to dig into the fictions I read and think about them. I like histories, even made up ones if they are done well, and so I am not going to hide it! Not sure if this relates at all to what you were saying probably not. But as I said, I am rather guilty of escaping from "reality" when I have got nothing else to do. However I don't run away from reality when I need to deal with it, only when I am bored or burning off created energy-that's called using your imagination I think- so this is more then likely not what you were commenting but rather those people who escape reality when it confronts them. Either way if you read this Brent and I totally misunderstood you I am sure you will be more then happy to straighten me out, or attempt to at least, somewhere along the way.
Let's see, is there anything else I care to stab out and talk about right now? I guess not, this entry's pretty big anyhow, finally got over my sort of blogger's block and turned out a decent entry. Whilst I was doing this I uploaded a few pictures for Holly's perusal so maybe I will link that directory in here later. Granting the pictures are huge because I prefer the Large format on my digital camera and the-pause to consult user's manual- 2272 x 1704 images are usually around a MB in size and I am too lazy to crop them down and upload them like that. But you have no right to complain how long it takes to load them because whilst uploading them I was also downloading Red vs Blue episodes 36, which took over 2 hours no less, so my poor dinky little AOL modem connection was crying under the strain (wuss). Anyhow I guess I am done for now. Enjoy this incredibly long ramble or if you are insomniac you can thank me later for a bona-fide way to fall asleep! :P